; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
