What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
