my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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