U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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