He is such a slut. More and more my type.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
