I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
