i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
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