We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize