I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
