It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
