U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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