i need an iv and a liver transplant
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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