walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
