bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
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