Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
