She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Never underestimate the power of titties
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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