You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
