They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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