first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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