i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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