I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
