wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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