I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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