i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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