You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
