Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
