whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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