I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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