i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
