If i come over, it means nothing
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
