my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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