Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
