do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
