the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
