I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
