it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
It was like getting head from an anaconda
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
