He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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