YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
