Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
