on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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