What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
