Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
