I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What a dumb baby whore.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
