So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
