Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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