once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
These tits shall not be calmed
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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