woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
