Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
