At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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