Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
