Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think i have herpe
just one?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
