I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
