Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
