i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
