As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
