gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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