she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
false alarm, still single
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
