like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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