The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize