Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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