Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
not ubering you a puppy
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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