I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize