she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
