genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
