I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
