11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
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