for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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