I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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