R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
