I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
