Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize