but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Found your dick twin last night
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
