go do what you do best...puke behind churches
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
