So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
