when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
